Dwight Fletcher | Finding a cure

WHEN OUR hearts suffer trauma, it can affect every aspect of our lives, because our heart is the well-spring of our lives. Though our experiences are often the main source of trauma, it is also possible to inherit trauma.

There are issues that are evident in families, and the Bible spoke about this over 4,000 years ago. “The Lord is slow to anger and filled with unfailing love, forgiving every kind of sin and rebellion. But he does not excuse the guilty. He lays the sins of the parents upon their children; the entire family is affected – even children in the third and fourth generations.” Numbers 14:18 (NLT). This scripture is a spiritual law and finds application in various aspects of family life. Often, we see things like hypertension ‘running’ in families, but things like divorce and the inability to fulfil potential also ‘runs’ in families.

We need to therefore take a critical look at our family (on both sides). Look to see if there are patterns, habits, ways of thinking, mental, physical or social issues common in the family. Then there are attitudes that cause heaviness in our hearts that ‘run’ in families such as anger, distrust and unforgiveness. These issues and hurts that affect our hearts never just go away, and time alone won’t bring complete healing to them. When we remember the experiences, we will feel the hurt all over again. Proverbs 18:14 (NCV) says, “The will to live can get you through sickness, but no one can live with a broken spirit.”

A broken, wounded, and or pained heart saps our energy and removes the joy from our lives. We may find ourselves becoming defensive and experiencing deep sadness. The challenge is that we tend to respond to pain in our hearts in the wrong way. We badly want it to go away, but we are often approaching it incorrectly. Some of us try to block out the memories of the incidents so that we won’t have to face feeling the hurt, but it’s still there. Some try to keep it locked down, but it still rises up. It’s like trying to hold a beachball under water; it just comes out sideways. Our pain and trauma may also manifest as allergies, stomach problems, anxiety or depression. “Anxiety in the heart of man causes depression.” Proverbs 12:25 (NKJV).

Some people respond by backing away from the situation to allow time for healing, but time alone doesn’t heal. What often happens is that we spend the time rehearsing the evil that was done, and the hurts then become like a big sore just waiting for someone to prick it with a sharp word. Then it all comes out in the eruption of anger, bitterness, hate, revenge, and fear. This is often what we see in the movies. It makes for wonderful entertainment, but it’s speaking to a dark issue.

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These sequences often keep repeating themselves. Some people respond by striking back, trying to balance their hurt with anger and revenge, or by trying to protect themselves from further hurt. However, scar tissue (hardness of heart) then appears. When we are in this state of hardness of heart, if we enter into relationships we will find ourselves rejected because of it, and often we end up experiencing more hurt through the rejection.

Nothing we do will solve the problem, because the healing we need comes only from God. There is healing available, but it isn’t something we can do alone; if we could, we would have achieved it already.

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