Dad praised for refusing to write apology letter after son swore at teacher

'It doesn't do him or the outside world any good if we coddle, shelter, helicopter or overly favour him'

When it comes to parenting, you're not going to get it right every time - but learning from your mistakes makes all the difference in the long run. But one dad has been standing his ground against his son's teacher after the three-year-old called her a b**** in front of the entire class.

While he doesn't condone swearing, especially from his young son, he doesn't believe he needs to write her a formal apology asking for her forgiveness following the incident. Taking to Reddit, he said: "My wife and I are parents to a just-turned three-year old boy. He is and will very likely continue to be an only child. As his parents, we are obviously biased; but we are aware of that bias and try to be as objective as possible. It doesn't do him or the outside world any good if we coddle, shelter, helicopter or overly favour him."

The couple placed their son in a private pre-school two months ago - dropping him off for four hours a day, four days a week. "His terrible twos were relatively mild, and the last few months he settled into a pleasant, friendly, funny, and, for three, relatively attentive disposition," he added. "The standard practice at this pre-school is to do an assessment one month after the child starts school. His came back glowing: funny, pleasant, follows directions, academically advanced, all the warm and fuzzy stuff a parent would want to hear.

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"This past weekend, he seemed a little off. Not totally wild or obstinate, but not his normal self for the past few months. We were hearing a few more 'nos' and a bit more agitation." At pre-school on Monday, the youngster became frustrated when he spilt his lunch all over the table. When his teacher asked him to clean it up, he responded with, 'No. You clean it up b****'. The dad added: " When the other teacher asked what he said, he repeated it.

"The teachers told us about it, indicated it was very out of character for him, and we were very apologetic to both teachers. We talked to him about using bad words, about impulse and mood control in general, his mood improved to its normal condition and the rest of the week was incident free."

"However, two days after the incident, the teachers asked us to prepare a letter to them and the administration apologising for teaching our child the B word." Believing he'd heard the word being thrown around at home, the teacher ordered the dad to send in a letter apologising for their son's outburst. However, he claims the teacher is trying to shame him as being a 'bad father' - and claims his apology in person is enough.

"Here's the thing. My wife and I aren't perfect. We swear. We say F, S, AH, and occasionally GD to our dog when she's bad. We try to limit it in front of our son, but occasionally it slips out. We do not, however, ever use derogatory curse words. In the 10 years we have been together and before that for me, I do not say and I have never heard my wife say the B-word, the nuclear bomb C-word, or any of the words derogatory towards race, ethnicity, LGBTQ+ status, sex, religion, or ability, including the derogatory F or R words.

"I'm sure the school thinks he heard the B word from me or my wife, but we simply do not use it. Also, he only likes cartoons, so we haven't exposed him to anything that would have it. I understand kids get things from all types of sources, and I want the school to understand that.

"The school followed up today asking for the apology letter, but I don't feel like we owe it to them. We have already apologised for him saying it, but don't feel the need to apologise for teaching it to him because we didn't." Commenting on his post, one user said: "The school wants you to write an apology letter for (in their opinion) swearing around your child at home? Seriously? That’s hilarious."

Another user added: "Write the letter but instead of it being an apology, explain that you don’t recall ever using that word in front of him and have no idea how or where he learned it from (if that is what you really believe). Take the opportunity to point out that you have never heard him use that word at home (if true) and that he could have actually picked it up at school.

"Again reiterate that you are sorry that he said it, but that you will not be apologising for doing something that you don’t believe you actually did. Also suggest having your son apologise to the teachers, maybe with a small gift … this can go a long way and help defuse these situations."

A third user said: " It doesn't make sense to me that the school would want an apology letter. How does that solve any problem they have? I'd be calling the school administrator to find out more. I would also be concerned about where your child heard this word. If you never say it, where could he have learned it that you or a babysitter wouldn't have heard?"

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