Why the self-improvement industry is holding us back

Many of us experience life as a constant struggle towards the "mythical future time" when we finally get on top of our infinite to-do lists, says British writer Oliver Burkeman.

Writing a 'done' list throughout the day is a simple and motivating trick to shift the focus to what we're actually achieving, he tells RNZ's Afternoons.

"It just reminds us that actually we can't do everything but we do do a bunch of things and we should feel proud of that."

Between the limits of reality and what we imagine we can get done there's a fundamental mismatch that can make many of us feel "a bit crazy", Burkeman said, himself included.

In his new book Meditations for Mortals, he shares 'perspective shifts' that can help us bring us back to the here and now.

"I'm really advocating for turning more fully towards the real reality that we're in and doing what we can with that reality, instead of tormenting ourselves with the fact that it doesn't measure up to some fantasy."

People were encouraged to disregard their own earthly and energetic limits by the self-improvement industry, Burkeman said.

"To make you think that if you just find the right system or put in a bit more self-discipline, if you weren't quite such a lazy loser then you'd finally get there, get over the hump, and your life would just be on sort of smooth-running autopilot.

"Actually, this just ends up seeding procrastination and people feeling bad about themselves and makes everything much more of a struggle than it needs to be.

"There's something very powerful in understanding that there will always be too much to do."

Getting off the "infinite treadmill" of hyperproductivity allowed us to refocus on and prioritise the actions which actually mean the most to us, he said.

"The really important challenge that we face is figuring out which things to focus on and which things to neglect, not to try to constantly struggle and get our arms around them all but actually have the gut to say 'I'm going to focus on these things and I'm not going to focus on these other ones'."

To this end, crossing tasks off a whiteboard or written list can help us stay both realistic about our own capacities and on track.

"Can you actually come back down to earth and just do the thing that you are doing right now and then do the next one? You're going to get distracted by social media and thoughts. The trick is coming back to it after that."