Dear Coleen: I am so tired of friend boasting about her life

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Dear Coleen

I HAVE a friend I’ve known for a few years. We met through a baby group and stayed close when our kids ended up in different schools.

I always liked her company and she can be a lot of fun, but over the past year she seems to have changed.

Whenever we meet up she literally falls over herself to tell me about her latest car or the fact her son is captain of the water polo team and how much his school costs, and where they’ve been on holiday and where they’re going next.

She knows I can’t afford all the stuff she has, and it just seems boastful. Also, she has this really annoying habit of talking over me every time I try to speak, chiming in with more anecdotes about her “gifted” son or something she’s bought for her house and it drives me nuts. I can’t get a word in edgeways.

I always come away feeling bad about myself and my life and wondering why we’re still friends. I feel like someone she likes to boast to and talk at and that’s it.

Please give me some advice. Am I being miserable or should I do myself a favour and not see her any more?

Coleen says

I don’t think you’re being miserable – but maybe you’re being a tiny bit envious if you’re totally honest with yourself?

And she’s being very self-absorbed, and it’s not hitting her that she’s saying all this stuff to her friend who doesn’t have her lifestyle. She’s not reading the room.

However, the fact she keeps boasting makes me think she’s not actually that happy – is she trying to convince you or herself that everything is great? Perhaps there’s some insecurity there as well because she’s trying so hard to impress you by making her life seem so fantastic.

Why not just be honest and admit to her that sometimes when she talks like this, it makes you feel uncomfortable because you can’t afford that stuff and you can’t join in the conversation.

I know it’s awkward to say these things, but if it helps you to remain friends and have a better and more honest relationship going forward, then it’s worth it.

As for talking a lot about her son, we all think our own kids are the best and that’s how it should be.

However, maybe he’s also her entire world at the moment and that’s why he comes up in conversation so much.

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