'I swap my home with people in different countries, now I date men all over Europe'

A woman who found the dating scene where she lives as "hard work" has taken her search for love to romantic European cities. Kirst Irvine, 40, described Edinburgh as a "village" due to a limited dating pool.

Originally from Newcastle, Kirst says that she often had to "cross-check" with friends to avoid dating each other’s exes. However, she says that her fortunes have changed after finding a home-swapping website that lets you travel across Europe.

After discovering HomeExchange, Kirst began spending up to a month at a time in various cities, using Bumble and Hinge to connect with local men. Her experiences have ranged from romantic Vespa rides through Paris to more unusual encounters, such as a man buying her dark chocolates on their first date as an intended aphrodisiac.

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Despite experiencing ghosting in Berlin, Kirst remains undeterred in her quest for love and is already planning her travels for 2025.

Kirst shared with PA Real Life her approach to keeping life vibrant: "You should try to increase the surface area for serendipity. I’m meeting more people, I’m expanding my community, and while I don’t want to be single at this age, I’ve found the tools to keep life varied and lively, experience living in new places and build a life I really like."

She added, "It keeps life interesting."

After moving from London to Edinburgh a decade ago, Kirst found the dating scene challenging, describing it as "hard work" due to the city's modest size and limited pool of eligible bachelors. "Edinburgh is a small city, it’s around half a million people, so finding single men in their late 30s, early 40s – it feels like the scarcity effect," she explained.

The familiarity of faces in the dating circuit was another issue: "You see the same faces over and over again and you also have to cross-check with your other single girlfriends."

Kirst likened Edinburgh to a village from a dating standpoint, often encountering awkward situations where friends were already acquainted with her prospective dates. "You can be out for brunch with a girlfriend and say you’re going out with a guy next week, but they’ve slept with him a couple of years ago or they’ve crossed paths – the dating pool is quite small," she recounted.

Additionally, Kirst commented on the weariness that can come with dating apps: "The dating apps also aren’t on your side sometimes and it feels like some people have dating app fatigue."

Professionally, Kirst has been working as a senior marketing manager for the past two years at a company she chose not to name, but she commended her employer for its flexible policy that allows staff to "work from anywhere, any time".

Embracing newfound freedom, she was keen to explore different locales by working remotely and diving into the dating scene in various cities. This led her to try HomeExchange, following a friend's suggestion.

She kicked off with a three-week swap of her two-bed, two-bath Edinburgh flat for a London property in July 2023, then jetted off to Paris for a fortnight in October 2023. Her adventures continued with a two-week stay in Lisbon in March 2024, a week in Amsterdam in July, and most recently, a month-long stint in Berlin in September.

While ensuring her work commitments are met, Kirst finds the experience "brilliant". "It allows me to experience what life is like living and working in other cities because you can get under the skin a little bit," she explained.

To settle into each new city, Kirst frequents co-working spaces, gym classes, and joins dating apps like Bumble and occasionally Hinge to meet locals. "You just have to put yourself out there and be spontaneous – I’ve had lots of matches and it’s a great confidence boost," she shared.

Recalling her first date in Paris, she reminisced about being whisked through the city at night on her date's Vespa before pausing for wine. "That was pretty magical. Even though the actual date itself wasn’t amazing, that will stay with me," she reflected.

"Vespas have featured quite heavily in my dating abroad – a guy I dated in Berlin for a month had a Vespa and we spent weekends hopping on and off, a coffee here, a beer there."

"I dated a guy who picked me up in his Tesla and we went for margaritas on a Thursday night, I’ve been cooked for in people’s homes, it’s been fun."

"Being British and blonde – even though it’s by no means exotic – you do stand out a bit."

However, Kirst has also encountered some peculiar situations while dating overseas. "In Berlin, I went on a date with a guy who came on really strong and bought me dark chocolates because he said we could use them for an aphrodisiac later... he did not achieve his aim."

"There’s also a really famous spa in Germany called Vabali and because it’s Europe, you don’t wear swimwear. One guy suggested we go native and go there for our first date."

"I’m pretty bold but not that bold. ""While I’m up for fun dates, I also keep in mind my safety and ultimately I’m looking to meet someone more serious."

Despite enjoying the freedom of working remotely and exploring new places, Kirst admits that dating overseas is "not the perfect solution".

"Ghosting is an international phenomenon and it never gets any easier," she confessed. "I’ve had dates arranged in the diary only for the guy to delete our chat and disappear, not having the decency to cancel."

Kirst acknowledges that it can be challenging to bounce back from a negative experience without the support of friends and family nearby.

During a fleeting romance in Berlin which she believed held promise, Kirst was left reeling when it "vanished into thin air," an experience she described as "brutal". She shared her coping strategy for dating setbacks: "When ghosting happens or a guy behaves badly, you have to be your own cheerleader and get back on the horse."

Despite experiencing highs and lows in her love life, Kirst recommends adventurous dating, emphasizing the need for resilience and openness: "You have to be quite resilient, you have to be comfortable about putting yourself out there."

She credits her unorthodox approach, saying, "Doing this has allowed me to flex my lifestyle and keep it affordable – it also supports my attitude that you just don’t know what’s around the corner."

While she continues her search for 'the one', Kirst remains hopeful: "I’m yet to meet the one but I’m an optimist... I’m already thinking about where I might go in 2025."

Jessica Poillucci, PR manager of HomeExchange, offers important advice for those considering home-swapping for remote work travels: "HomeExchange advises people considering home-swapping to check the legalities of working remotely from your intended destination. " She stressed the importance of understanding the legal requirements: "Some countries may require specific visas or permits if you’re planning to work, even if it’s just remotely for your home company."

Moreover, Jessica highlighted potential financial considerations: "It’s also worth noting working from a different jurisdiction can also have tax implications. " She recommended vigilance with regards to the duration of stay, as it can affect legal and tax situations: "With regards to both visas or permits and tax, it’s important to bear in mind the length of your stay as this can have an impact on both of these areas."