The life-changing impact of organ donation on families

A mum who donated her late son's heart has received a stunning letter showing the incredible impact of her selfless decision. "You have given us a second chance to live with many happy tomorrows. We as a family will be able to see the sun rise and set, allow him to feel the rain and sun on his face, hear the wind in the trees, and listen to the birds sing. He will be able to hug and be hugged" - these are the heartfelt words Anna-Louise Bates read when she received the message from the parent whose son received the life-saving heart transplant.

Fraser Bates tragically lost his life in December 2015 when he and his father Stuart were struck by a careless driver. In an act of profound generosity, Fraser's organs, along with those of his father, were donated by his mother and Stuart's wife, Anna-Louise Stubbings, previously Bates.

READ MORE: Her name is written in black and blue

Following the tragedy, Anna-Louise became a vocal advocate for organ donation, sharing their story to raise awareness. She also founded the charity Believe to support the cause. In her new memoir, she opens up about the journey of setting up the charity, finding love again amidst sorrow, and the complexities of grief.

The book also explores Anna-Louise's bond with the family of Roman, the young boy who was given Fraser's heart. She gives an honest account of what it means to consent to organ donation, the process involved, and the lessons she has learned through her own experience, reports Wales Online.

By 2017, having not received any communication from the families of organ recipients, Anna-Louise confesses she felt "bewildered and very hurt".

Fraser's heart was donated to a boy, one kidney to a woman, and the other kidney along with his liver went to another young girl. His eye tissue was also used.

However, she received the distressing news that a young man who had received Fraser's lungs had passed away, just before Fraser's ninth birthday.

"I managed to convince myself that the little boy who had died did at least get six months he wouldn't have had if Fraser hadn't given his organs," she reflects on the aftermath.

Stuart's heart tissue was not suitable for use, something she was upset about not being informed earlier. A year later, she received an anonymous letter from the mother of the boy who had been given Fraser's heart.

She also received a letter from a specialist nurse informing her that the donor's family had written to her. Due to protocol, it was sent in a separate envelope for her to read at her discretion.

The letter read:.

Dear Donor Family,.

"I'm so sorry this letter has taken nearly a year to arrive. It's not that we didn't want to write, I just couldn't find the strength and words to write. How do you thank someone who gave your child a chance at life? ".

"'Thank you' these two words seem so inadequate for the gift of life you have given to us. You have given us a second chance to live with many happy tomorrows. We as a family will be able to see the sun rise and set, allow him to feel the rain and sun on his face, hear the wind in the trees, and listen to the birds sing. He will be able to hug and be hugged."

"We must offer our deepest sympathy for your loss, mere words from strangers, but heartfelt just the same. Perhaps with your generous donation, your family and mine will be able to 'Celebrate the Life' of loved ones both past and present."

"We would love to learn about the donor, we already know that they have been kind, caring, compassionate and generous, something they had to have learned from you, their family. We feel that each new day has endless possibilities and that his strength to thrive gives us the strength to learn and deal with everything he is throwing at us. I only hope that we are able to justify the use of this wonderful gift. We all know that time can cause us to forget, but know this - not a day nor an hour or a minute will go by or has gone by without all or one of us thinking of the donor and their family who without we would not have had a chance to live as a family at home."

"The above letter is everything a Google 'template of a donor-recipient letter' expects me to say and I suppose follows guidelines to the letter. Following these rules, you don't get a real sense of our feelings."

"Your family's decision to do this gave me every milestone, every smile, every cry, every bump and fall all while learning. I get to feel and in our case, see this bouncy healthy special heart that although the first owner was too great to stay on this earth, they left the most valuable thing to not one but now two families. Every day I hold my baby against me I can feel this special thud, thud, thud every minute of joy I get from this reminds me of first your sadness, then a rush of the strength you must have found in a very dark place. I hope this strength is passed on through the love of the first chapters of this heart's life."

"We as a family would like to learn and teach our boys the background of where this special heart came from and would be honoured to stay in touch. We honestly can't thank you more for finding the light in your darkest hour and giving our boys a chance to thrive together. Thank you from the bottom of our hearts."

The recipient's family.

The letter was from the family of Roman Pickering, a twin who was born with a heart defect detected at the 20-week scan. mum Zoe was offered a termination, but she declined and her sons were delivered with the help of a team of 56 doctors, consultants and specialists during a planned Caesarean.

Tests confirmed that Roman, from Newcastle, had an under-developed right side of his heart and he would need a heart transplant.

For a week following his nine-hour heart transplant, Roman's survival was uncertain. He experienced internal bleeding and a collapsed lung, but the heart he received from Fraser continued to beat strongly.

Anna-Louise responded on December 20, 2017, with heartfelt words:.

"Dear recipient family".

"Thank you so much for taking the time and sending your letter to us at such a difficult time for us all. Following Fraser's donation, I have met with other transplant recipients and can only imagine how hard it must be to put in writing how you are feeling but I must say that your words really did bring me so much comfort."

"Fraser (my son) really did have the biggest heart. He was older than his seven years, had the sensitivity of a boy that was unmatched and was best friend to everyone whatever their ages. He appreciated what a gift life was and really valued this gift. We, as a family, treasured and loved every minute and I am truly blessed to have had him as my son."

"My late husband and I nicknamed him Bear after the House of Fraser 'bear' and love of Bear Grylls. How fitting then for bear to have become a very keen outdoor beaver, loving every minute of scouting and every new adventure."

In a touching tribute to her late son, Anna-Louise wrote about the impact he had on others, highlighting his vibrant and nurturing character: "When he and his dad passed away, his classmates wrote me cards about how they remembered Fraser. Loud, full of life, and caring were the ones that really came through. Fraser looked after the children with hearing problems, those being bullied and was very, very proud of his little sister, Elizabeth. Fraser showed such unbelievable strength to allow me to donate his organs and I know he is looking down with pride knowing that I was able to fulfil his wishes."

She continued with sentiments of immense pride over Fraser's posthumous legacy: "Knowing that the loss of my boys has allowed yours to thrive makes me even more proud of my superstar Fraser. I would love to keep in touch and very much hope that this letter finds you before Christmas, because this Christmas as those before, Elizabeth and I continue to celebrate the gift of life."

Signing off with affection, she added: "Anna-Louise x".

On a day commemorating new beginnings, 1 March 2018 marked the moment when Anna-Louise heard directly from Zoe, the mother of the boy who received Fraser's heart, delivering a profound connection via the Fraser Bear social media page. Zoe's outreach broke anonymity previously maintained by the organ donation network.

Known only as Roman's mother, Zoe originally communicated through the organ donation team without revealing her identitya stark contrast to the personal contact now established. Her realization about Fraser's ultimate gift ensued once she connected the dots following public reports concerning Anna-Louise's family tragedy.

"I could now contact Zoe if I wanted, we could liaise through the Believe page but I wasn't there at that point. I wasn't at the stage where I could do that. I was blown away by the fact that I could now find out anything about Fraser's recipient so I went and looked on her social media straight away. I just needed to. When I saw pictures of Roman as I was scrolling through,I just felt sheer happiness at first. I didn't allow myself to feel too much as I was so scared as my emotions were all over the place - but I quickly also he wasn't well. Roman had been given Fraser's heart when he was only a baby, and many health problems had developed since."

"I was faced with a whirlwind of thoughts, particularly the one that instantly filled my head when I saw pictures of Roman, that he was a very ill little boy, and his survival isn't guaranteed at all," she writes.

The mums stayed in touch and Anna-Louise admits looking at Zoe's Facebook page, and how Roman sent a present to her one Christmas of a picture of him, and a rainbow of fingerprints.

"Something about that hit me hard and a few months later, I had said to Dad and Zach 'I think I want to meet Roman'."

Anna-Louise and her dad took the trip, meeting at the Rainforest Cafe. They bumped into each other outside, and there was an unplanned greeting.

Roman, in a wheelchair, high fived Anna-Louise. "It was easy. It felt natural, I could breathe," she writes.

Roman was gravely ill, and the threat of Covid loomed large, with concerns about its potential impact on him. "I was worried that when his heart stopped, would that be the moment when it would hit me that my bear had truly gone? ".

Despite needing a kidney, Roman wasn't strong enough to receive one and was undergoing daily dialysis. "Roman was such a sweet boy and needed to be recognised as the amazing fighter he is. I wanted to fix everything for them," she reveals in her memoir.

Roman had crafted a football shirt to show Anna, featuring FAB - Fraser's initials - and his own age, seven, on the back. "That was the only time I cried," she admits.

During a visit to see fish at a cafe, Anna held Roman close so he could have a better view. "When I was holding him, I didn't feel his heart, but I was holding him like my bear - in a bear hug. For me, it was about the whole person, not just a heart. Beforehand, in my head, he had my bear's organ, he had his heart and that did sometimes freak me out that Fraser's heart was beating when he was no longer here. When Roman was there, it felt like Fraser was there too. From the showing of the shirt and then feeling the connection with the fish, I felt it."

Zoe and Anna-Louise maintained their connection, with Elizabeth meeting Roman and learning about the bond they shared.

Anna Louise recounts how she received distressing news from Zoe: Roman had been hospitalised for eight weeks and his condition was deteriorating.

The medical team considered moving his transplant forward due to the risks involved. "The longer they kept him on dialysis, the better as it would make him bigger and stronger, but the delay could have consequences. We'd all know that this was going to happen at some point, but everyone hoped it would be at a time when Roman was in a better place."

In her account, Anna-Louise described her reaction, saying she shifted into "practical mode" to offer assistance. "The emotional side is just too much, and as I've always said, Roman is Zoe's boy, he's not mine and I don't want to be seen as parachuting in with my grief and my past."

She wrote about the post-operative care stating that after his transplant, he'll be looked after at Great Ormond Street for three months. She intends to fully support them, "I'll do all I can for them during that time," in her personal capacity and through her charitable work.

Despite Roman not having undergone the transplant yet, his mother Zoe, alongside stepfather Ryan, were present to back Anna-Louise at her book launch.