Derby dad banned from contacting son after campaign to turn him against mother

A Derby dad who carried out a campaign of emotional abuse on his son in a bid to turn him against his mother has been banned from contacting him. A family court hearing in Derby County Court yesterday (October 21) saw the father banned from seeing his son after refusing to allow him to return to his mother and sister.

This followed the father carrying out a campaign of emotional abuse aimed at “alienating” his son against his mother, leading to the child being placed in foster care while lengthy court proceedings started, and eventually the boy being moved back in with his mother. Recorder William Evans detailed that the son, aged 12, was concerned after his father had twice this year – in January and February – sought to make contact with him, outside of supervised visits, on his way home from school.

The court was told the child had changed his route home from school and even avoided entirely areas of Derby where he thought his father may be to avoid running into him without supervision. Derby City Council, which shares parental responsibility for the son, alongside the parents, was in court seeking to discharge its obligations – housed in a care order – due to the mother’s “excellent” parenting and the son’s distinct desire to stay with her.

The son said he did not want to see his father anymore after he failed to attend a supervised visit, with the last supervised session taking place in 2023. A city council representative said the authority was “comfortable with the care provided by the mother and as such there is no need to share parental responsibility”.

They encouraged the court to enforce a child arrangement order, for the son to live his mother, and a prohibitive steps order banning the father from taking his son out of the mother’s care or anyone or anywhere that she has placed her son in care, including school or a sports club. This involves banning the father from direct or indirect communication with the son.

The mother, speaking through a translator, told Recorder Evans that she was “very happy” with the proposed steps, saying “I am happy to limit his access to my son”. She said her son was “fully aware and up to date and is still fully adamant that he does not want to see his father”.

A Cafcass representative, on behalf of the child’s court-appointed guardian, told the hearing: “He is a young man now and can articulate and see the reasons why and can reflect on the difficulties he had when he was living with his father and the difficulties he had in contact visits, despite supervision, when his father would whisper to him.” The court was told that the father would speak to his son in Kurdish, to avoid the supervisor, who spoke Arabic, being able to translate what was being said.

The Cafcass representative continued: “He has enjoyed the freedom he has experienced with his mother and previously in foster care and can understand the influences and impact on him as an individual.” They say a family therapist appointed by the city council has helped the boy rebuild his relationship with his mother and sister.

The representative said the child felt “uncomfortable” that his father had twice tried to approach him on the way home from school but feels safe in the care of his mother. Recorder Evans said court proceedings involving the boy started five years ago in 2019 after the father had “refused to return her son to her care and may not allow contact”.

The city council uncovered “significant concerns relating to the boy’s emotional wellbeing”, he said. He said the boy was placed in foster care from 2021 to late 2022 while the court proceedings continued and during that time had initially been “reluctant” to spend time with his mother “and expressed negative views about her and his sister”.

An appointed psychologist found the boy had had beliefs impressed on him that men were to be “all-powerful” in a household with key gender roles, “which was noted to mirror the behaviours of his father”. Following rehabilitative therapy his views towards his mother changed and it was found the father had “subjected him to behaviours aimed at alienating him from his mother and causing significant emotional harm”.

Recorder Evans said evidence from a social worker and the guardian showed he was a “very changed boy who is now thriving in his mother’s care and enjoying a very good relationship with his sister”. He said the father had used the supervised visits as an opportunity to criticise the mother, with the son raising concerns in November 2023.

This led to the father failing to attend a further session, after which the son chose to withdraw his wishes to have any continued contact. Recorder Evans said the boy “clearly wants to avoid going back to the way things were before” and said it was clear the behaviour of the father “would be the same if contact restarted”.

The mother told the court: “I extend my gratitude to the local authority and social services. My life would not be as back on track as it is now, which has had a huge impact on my son’s life. My son’s life and his confidence have been given back to him and he can enjoy the freedom and express his views and freedom and his confidence.”

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